Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Undeserved Pedestal

People say "you never love again like the first time".  In my opinion most of those people measure the strength of their love for someone, based on how much it hurt when it was over.  Without even analyzing the quality of the relationship in question, almost everyone I know counts their first love as the first time they actually suffered for someone.

I'm thinking that the amount of suffering you go thru during a break up, comes from your ability and experience to deal with the suffering in the first place.  Once you have had your heart broken once you already know (hopefully) how to pull yourself together a little better.  You suffer a little less on subsequent breakups not because the love for that person was any weaker than your first love, but because you are stronger and deal with it more gracefully.  It makes the comparison between first loves and any future loves sort of unfair and unrealistic.

Sometimes I wonder if "first loves" should really be remembered as "first heartbreaks".  In the end, that's mostly what people remember them for.  First loves tend to be people that broke up with you, because people that you break up with tend to be forgotten quickly.  

So... "you never love like the first time" to me is a load of bullshit.  You love when you are ready to love, no matter if someone is number two, or three, or tenth (which might very well be the strongest love you've ever felt for anyone).  If you can't love again after having fallen down, get some professional help because you are missing out.

I think people put "first loves" on a pedestal they don't deserve... In the end, they didn't make it to your present for a reason.